Welcome to Lost in Grief– a site where I try to explore and understand my dad’s suicide. How do you keep going when your worst nightmare and the unthinkable become reality?

I am sorry you have need for this page, for whatever has happened to you.

Who am I?

My name is Claire. I am 30 year old PhD student and social worker, and live in Hertfordshire in the UK with my husband Simon and baby son Barney.

Why did I create this site?

On 26th January 2018 life changed forever in the worst possible way when my beloved dad Brendan died by suicide. He was 56 years old. My dad was my hero and best friend, and I was seven months pregnant at the time. It was certainly a shock but sadly not a huge surprise sadly- my dad had been suffering with severe depression for around a year when he made the decision to end his pain for good. Brendan left behind myself and a close knit family (including his wife- aka my lovely mum) who loved him very much and miss him terribly.

I started this site for many reasons. Firstly, to try and tell my dad’s story as I think poor mental health (particularly in men) is a much hidden issue in our society that needs a voice and directed action to address what is clearly a national crisis. Secondly, I hope that telling my dad’s story will help me to make some sense of the events which took place over the past year leading to his death, and better equip me to manage the colossal sense of grief I am currently experiencing. Thirdly, I hope that this site enables me to connect with other people around the world who are also grieving- not just from suicide bereavement but through any major life trauma. I hope that this can be a place where we can support and learn from each other. You can send me a message through my ‘Contact’ page or on Twitter (@_LostInGrief).

If there is anything I have learned from this horrific experience so far is that if a suicide can happen in our family it can literally happen to anyone. No shaming, judgements, or platitudes to be found here. Speaking out is important. Getting help is important. We do not have to manage this life alone.

Feeling suicidal?

If you have found this site because you are feeling suicidal yourself please reach out for help. You can call the Samaritans (Tel: 116 123) or speak to your GP urgently. If you’re outside thew UK you can find your national suicide support line here.